April Conference 2013

I love General Conference. I remember when I was young how long it seemed. Like FOR-EV-ER long. As I got older, it was still pretty long, but I would find a good thing here or there that would assure me or bring me comfort that this Church was True. Now, as a wife and a mother, and realizing my divine nature as a daughter of God, the words that are spoken aren't just words. Some of them in fact pierce my soul and communicate with my spirit. Now, six months between conferences passes by so fast as does the conference itself. That's why (as much as I can with 3 small children) I try to cling to what I hear. This is also why, I am grateful to be able to access these talks over and over again between conferences.

The past six months have not been easy ones for me. My family was rocked by an event that caused contention, betrayal, and all of us were left to wonder if we could love and be loved again. As time went on I felt like I was holding to the rod and was being mocked by those in the great and spacious building. My faith had all but been destroyed at times because of the things that were going on. I questioned, but not just questioned, I doubted. I doubted a lot. In my attempt to understand a loved one's point of view, I had all but discarded my own when it came to the Church and its Gospel. And not only that, things were starting to make sense from a secular point of view and I began to side with it.

Slowly, I have been making my way back, still with questions and doubts arising. I approached this Conference not with prayer but with hope that I would hear the things I needed to hear. So many good talks were given. Sister Wixom strongly encouraged us parents to disconnect from the world in order to better connect with our children. I needed that. But when Elder Holland came to the pulpit I felt like he was going to say something for me. I waited and listened. So much good was said but it wasn't for ME. And then he spoke these words, "Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than an honest declaration of faith. It is not. " I had my dad rewind the DVR so I could write it down. As I looked at those words, I knew they were what I needed to hear exactly. It was perfect. I need to exercise more faith. I can question, but I need to question with faith rather than with doubt and cynicism. I am grateful I was prepared to hear those words and ready to put those words in action. I love Conference!