I'm not gonna lie, losing a good chunk of my blog pictures took the wind out of my blogging sails a bit. Every time I would think about blogging I would get a little sour taste in my mouth and put it off for another day. Well, it's another day!!
Recently, Savannah has been experiencing some major anxiety. Her stomach hurts on an almost daily basis. She worries about the upcoming school year, if her teacher will be a yell-er, when she will have to use the restroom, if she will wet her pants, if she won't be able to fall asleep at night, what she will tell her piano teacher when she hasn't been able to pass off all of the songs she has worked on for the week, etc. etc. etc. Being my child, she has inherited some of my tendencies to be a worrier, but it has only gotten worse as of late. As I struggle to fight my own battle with anxiety (which I pretty much have learned to hide), it has become difficult for me to parent this child who is so much like me - but worse than I remember being at that age.
Growing up I remember being a puker. I threw up when I had to say a line in the primary program. I threw up on the first day of school. I threw up when I had to give a talk in church. The inner turmoil I experienced was excruciating to have to deal with as a child. Now, I have been given a child who is just like me. Not only did I have to navigate through my own painful anxious childhood, but I get to experience it all over again with my daughter. Because, her anxiety is my anxiety. How does one anxious person help another? I am finding it almost impossible to figure out. No one ever told me I would be re-living my childhood when I had my own children. And as much as I want to take her fears away from her, the brutal truth is that I can't. I can't hop inside her brain and shut off her fear receptors. I can't give her confidence. She has to gain it herself.
My mom once told me that being a parent is hard and being a good parent is even harder. I would add, that learning how to be a good parent, the parent that your child needs, may be the most difficult task of all.
1 comment:
AMEN sister!
My kiddos started school today and it helped that Matt gave them a father's blessing last night (which I'm sure Tom does), but I also took the children one on one into their bedrooms and said a prayer for them this morning before they left for school. I reminded them that they are NEVER alone. That the Holy Ghost and The Lord is ALWAYS with them. They all had a great first day of school. And the good news is that there were no tears (from them or their mother). Saying that prayer was comforting for me as well. :) I love you-hang in there!
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