three

Since this is pretty much my journal/family history record I hope you don't mind if I take a few minutes to talk about some of the feelings that I've been having lately. Besides the usual fears, anxieties, and apprehensions about this pregnancy I have been so thankful at how I feel about becoming a mother for the third time. I never imagined that I would get to experience it once let alone three times!!

With my first child, I was just grateful. Grateful to be pregnant, grateful to be having a baby girl, grateful that both me and the baby were healthy. Grateful. When Savannah came into this world I'm pretty sure I was in shock for the first six months of her life. I thought that because I was a relatively "older" first time mom that it would somehow be easier, but I soon discovered that becoming a mother is just as terrifying whether you are 21 or 28 years old. The gratitude I felt never went away and soon the shock dissipated and was replaced with a sense of calm and confidence. I loved being a mom.

When I became pregnant with Benjamin I was grateful but also very surprised. I never expected to be pregnant again so soon. I operated in survival mode for the first several months of pregnancy, but finally got really excited - especially when I found out he was a boy - and felt ready to become a mom again by the time he arrived. And with his arrival came a host of emotions that I never thought I would experience. Once again, I was thrown into a state of shock just going through a lot of the motions expected of a new mom. Two was a tricky transition but once I got the hang of it, I was grateful to feel such a deep love for my children that I never thought was possible. By the time we were ready to try for number three, I felt ready, really ready. I knew that it would be hard...I just didn't know how hard.

Now, we are here just a couple of months from welcoming our third child. Maybe it's because it's my third, or maybe it's because it's my last but I am coming to the full realization that this little person will come with their own distinct spirit, look, and personality. Just looking at my other two (who are nothing alike) I am filled with anticipation about who this tiny Child of God will be. I can't wait to hold this child. I can't wait to bring this child close to my face and take in their sweet spirit. I asked Tom the other night how he felt about welcoming our third child. He didn't hesitate and said, "I'm terrified." I had to laugh at his honesty, and although I feel a little that way at times too I am anxious and ready to be a mom for a third time. I just hope and pray that day will come without complication. We are waiting for you, and love you, baby Thackeray number three!