You take the good you take the bad....

So, I was enjoying a moment of reflection last night with Savannah and Benjamin as we were browsing through my blog book together. I only have one printed so far, but a second blog book is already on my Christmas wish list. It's funny because there were so many things that I documented that I've completely forgotten. Things that took place only a year or two back. How happy I am that I wrote some of those things down.

Another great thing about blogging is that I wrote down some of my "bad day" experiences along with my good days. Like when Savannah was on a mischief streak. Or on a whining streak. See, looking back I have no recollection that she was ever like that. In my eyes, she's always been my sweet, loving, Savannah. So, taking that into account I can only hope that Benjamin's recent behavior will eventually become a distant memory.

Ever since the new one came along, Benjamin has been struggling. I knew this would happen and it caused me great pain and worry to see my son having such a difficult time. I really felt bad for him after Jacob was born. Then to my surprise, things started to get a little better. The tantrums tapered off and he seemed to be getting used to our new family arrangement. He potty trained himself and was settling into his new role as big brother. Then, out of nowhere, like a freight train the tantrums and whining started again. This was accompanied by constant teasing of his sister and almost constant fighting with his cousin Max. He would wake up crying and go to bed crying. It hurt my heart to see him like this and my frustration only escalated. Then one day I had an epiphany. "You need to show him more love". So, I did. I made an effort to play with him. To tickle him. To tell him I loved him more. And, it helped. For a short while. Only to have the sad boy return again. The reason I write all of this is because I know that one day this will pass. I can only hope that it passes. I need for this to pass. I want to feel love in my heart for this child who we prayed so hard would be okay after he was born. And maybe that's what I need to do. To pray to feel love. To pray for patience. Because I know that one day this boy will grow to be a man. And I need for him to know he was loved. That he was cared about. So now I know what I need to do. Let's hope it works.