MOM!!

You know, I prayed for many years to be a mom. Growing up, I never had any ambitious career aspirations, I just wanted to be a mom. When we were in the thick of our struggles with infertility, I would often tear up at the mere thought of a little person calling me mommy. Mom is such a beautiful word. It carries so much weight and meaning. On the flip side, when you are the only person in the home who responds to this name, it can be a little tiring. Let me give you some back story.

About a month or so ago I went into my bedroom to nurse Jacob on my bed. I was tired and before I realized, I had fallen asleep. About an hour later, I opened my eyes to the sound of a silent home. This was an unusual occurrence so I jumped out of bed. I couldn't believe I had slept so long. I began to call out for Benjamin and Savannah. This is when I noticed an unlocked and slightly ajar front door. The panic set in and my calmness turned into hysterics. I picked up the phone and called Tom. "The kids are gone! The kids are gone!" I sobbed. He got in his car and raced home. The once busy street filled with construction workers was now empty and eerily quiet. My mind immediately went to a dark place as I feared the worst had happened. Someone must have come to the door and when my kids opened it, they were kidnapped. I ran around screaming their names like a crazy person. My voice had a horrible desperation that got worse with each time I called out their names. It wasn't five minutes and an eternity later when I spotted my kids at the end of our long street their cheeks bright red from being out in the heat. Savannah's face was wet with tears. "We looked for you Mom, and couldn't find you!" she sobbed. I hugged them over and over and told them I would never leave them alone. I felt horrible. How scared they must have been!

Well, since that day, my kids have to know where I am every second of the day. This is especially true for Benjamin. I really can't blame him, but if I had a dime for how many times I hear, "Mom!! Where are you?" throughout the day, I would be a rich woman. It's even gotten to the point where I will be in the same room as Benjamin, he will walk away and two seconds later I hear, "Mom!! Where are you?"

I can only imagine how traumatic that day was for them. But how long will it take for them to realize that I would never leave them alone? I guess I'll keep answering to the name Mom for as long as it takes to reassure them. :-)